Living in a Black and White World

Good Girl Gone Bad

2011-12-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

For much of my life I was the "good girl". You know the mold - praiseworthy grades, obedient to parents, no drugs or alcohol, wouldn't go against the law if my life depended upon it.

When kids in school would call me "Miss Goody Two Shoes", I took it as a compliment instead of the insult it was intended to be. Perhaps, you could even say that I made it my ambition to be one of the best good girls that ever lived.

There was a big problem with my philosophy, though. I wasn't ever sure what 'perfection' was. I could only compare myself to others and elevate my goodness based upon others badness. For example, I gave myself brownie points for being able to say I have never been drunk in my entire life, I have never smoked a single cigarette, done drugs, been to jail or had a speeding ticket (other than the one I received a few years back when Dale called and said one of the kids was missing. I figured, tickets don't really count if it is for a good reason.)

I was good because I wasn't doing those 'bad' things others were. It was all relative to others' behavior.

Then, I met someone who changed everything. He was the perfect man. HE alone was the one I needed to be comparing myself with. Suddenly, this good girl wasn't so good anymore. You see, He was sinless. Perfect. I now understood what good was and I was not.

He said if I had ever done one single thing wrong, and yes, white lies count (so do mean looks and hateful thoughts against enemies), then I wasn't good enough - good enough to get into Heaven. Wasn't that my ultimate goal? I didn't want to be good just for the sake of being good. I was in it for the reward.

I looked in His face and asked, "How, then?" How, then, can I get into Heaven? How can I ever be good enough?

He gently answered, "You can never be good enough, but I can. Realize that you cannot earn your way to Heaven; it is my free gift. " At that moment, I fell on my face and accepted the gift I had been trying to earn. For the first time in my life, I felt peace.

I was a mere 18 years old when I met Jesus, my perfect man. He turned my world upside down, or should I say right side up. The baby in the manger suddenly made sense. He had to come and die for me or I would be left to have to pay for each and every one of my sins. The price for just 1 sin was too great. When I saw my life through His lens, I had thousands upon thousands of sins. My debt was too much.

Christmas became more than presents and good food. The baby born that day became my life, my hope and my savior. He paid my debt and for that I am eternally grateful. I had no means by which to get into Heaven, neither do you. Jesus does, though. Will you accept the gift He is offering you this Christmas?

Maybe, just maybe, you are also a good girl who is willing to see her need to be rescued from her bad side - a redeemed, loved, bought with Jesus' life kind of girl.

Landing

2011-07-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

I stepped down and the wall of heat met me instantly. The hours spent on the plane suddenly faded when matched against my excitement. I was standing on Filipino soil. Months of preparation for this moment were paying off.

Our team stood in line for Customs. As I looked around, I saw a sea of beautiful mocha eyes. I think the 11 of us were the only variation to our surroundings.

It was after midnight local time, but sleep was not on my mind. Too many thoughts raced through my head. Visions of underfed children running to greet me, sharing my testimony (yikes!), being the sole parent of an accident prone teenager in a Third World were just a few of the things occupying my brain space. Finally, I succumbed to sleep. Besides, tomorrow we would board another plane for our last leg of the trip, Manila to Tagbalaran.

Praising God for uneventful flights, I stepped once again into another wall of heat. We were here! I looked around the airport and immediately recognized Pastor Ariel from his visit to the United States. Close by him was his ever-smiling wife, Fely. They led us outside to a large welcoming committee. Several members of the church stood holding up a banner with all of our pictures on it. Before I could utter a word, Fely was placing a necklace over my head - the first of many gifts I would receive.

We squeezed our American behinds into a couple of vehicles and were wisked off to attend a Birthday Party. The team piled into Effret's house, along with about 50 other people. She had gone all out and served 2 favored items in the Philippines - lechon (roasted pig) and blood pudding (yep, exactly what you think it is). I tried almost everything, but the heat was really taking away my appetite.

I'm not sure how many of you have seen Gulliver's Travels, but I certainly could relate to Gulliver. My 5'9" frame was about 9 inches taller than the average Filipino. At Effret's house, I had to stay away from the ceiling fans or they would have rearranged my face. The furniture was all sized to accomodate their smaller frames. At times I felt a little bit like Goliath's sister. Keep this in mind, because it is an important piece to the next few days of my trip. For now, I'll leave you with a few photos.

Stepping off the Edge

2011-07-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

I had been here many times before. Signing up to go on a mission's trip was easy...following through was not. There was always that one big hurdle that I just couldn't seem to get beyond.

It is what everyone dreads; it is what made me run.

Raising support. A leap of faith, too big for my feeble feet to take. I backed out every single time when it came to this part - until now.

One Sunday I sat in church, listening to the Pastor make announcements. He mentioned an upcoming trip to the Philippines. Something stirred in my heart. I tried to dismiss it.

My husband looked at me and shocked me with his words. "Honey, I think you should go and take one of the kids with you."

Gulp! I will have to raise HOW much? Impossible! Doesn't my husband realize we are in the midst of an economical recession?

Hesitantly, I sat through the informational meeting. I put my name and my sons on the list of those who were going. In my heart, I wondered if I really was or not.

The support letters were composed. The moment I released them into the mailbox, I felt instantly nauseous. What would people think? I don't like to offend.

The next meeting for the trip came. The leader handed me a piece of paper. On it was the amount of support that had come in. My knees quaked. My first goal had been met. Someone from our church heard God say that He would be sending her a check. She received one a few days later in the mail and gave it ALL away to Caleb and I.

Humility.

The money kept pouring in. We were exactly where we needed to be for each goal...for a while.

We were half way and then the money stopped. The weeks were passing and soon we would have to make a decision - were we going or not?

I sat at my computer. Before I booted it up, I prayed,"Lord, make it crystal clear what Your will is in this. I surrender my plans for what You want. I have stepped out in faith. Maybe that was all You wanted for me - to take that step. Just, please let me know SOON!"

The computer screen came up. Facebook is my homepage. Immediately, a friend started chatting with me. She had remembered that I was hoping to go on a mission's trip and wanted my support letter. The tears trickled down my cheeks. "God, You are so good! You have put my trip on the minds of others."

Another meeting and I am informed that all but $60.00 has come in. God did it! He showed me that I can step off the edge of my comfort zone and He will guide me. God's wealth never changes - even in a recession!

From The Beginning

2011-07-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

It started years ago...perhaps decades ago. I was the child who always had a heart for the unlovable. Maybe it was my ability to identify with them, maybe it was that God was stirring my heart before I even knew there was a Creator.

While in High School, I discovered the One who loves me so much He died for me. He died for unlovable me.

He owned all of the riches in the world. In fact, He was the one who created the world and all that inhabits it. And, He GAVE it ALL up. Imagine that! How many CEO's do you know who would give it all up to have no home, one set of clothes, no consistent food, no health insurance, no car and no friends? I know not one, but my Jesus did this for me and you.

So began my quest to know this Redeemer more. Who is this man who would do this for me? And why?

I poured over Scriptures and saw Grace. Sinful, pitiful me looked into the eyes of my Savior and found grace. I didn't deserve what He had done for me, and I couldn't earn it. What I could do was become like Him.

I could learn to love like Him. I could ask for compassion like Him. I could live like Him.

If I really wanted to identify, I needed to go where He went and do what He did.

"God", I cried out, "send me to the unlovable." And, He did. A few years ago, I left my comfort zone and found myself in Africa. No electricity, no running water, no bathrooms, no abundance of food and no hope - this was my reality for 2 weeks. It is everybodies reality who lives there.

I came home changed. I saw how the rest of the world lives and I could never again be comfortable in America. My Jesus had grabbed my heart and changed it to look a little more like His.

I came home and wanted the rest of my family to "see". Now my cry to God became, "Lord, let each of my children be able to go and experience a Third World before they leave my nest. Mold their little hearts to be like Yours. Give them a heart that beats for the 'Least of These'."

Thus began my journey to the Philippines with my son Caleb. One, one child has gone and seen and came back changed. He now understands. He now "sees".

Friends

2011-06-07T07:58:00.001-07:00

There's nothing like a good set of friends!

Kickball

Contemplating his next move...

Olympic kicker!

A Birthday Sleepover

2011-05-21T12:56:00.001-07:00

My baby girl is turning 11. We celebrated this weekend with a few of her friends. All I can say is God is good! These precious girls are a gift from the Lord.
Dale made his infamous "hot fudge squares" for all of us to enjoy. Princess EB wanted each girl to have a candle to blow out (instead of her having all 11). I'm happy to report that no candles were left burning. According to the girls, no boyfriends - whew, since she can't even THINK about dating until she's 16:)

Thank you, Jesus, for this long-awaited for daughter! She is tender, thoughtful, compassionate and a gracious giver. She melted my heart when she presented me with some of her Birthday money today and said, "Here is my tithe. Please give it to the orphan fund, Mom." She hasn't even had time to think about what she wants to get with her money for herself and she is already thinking of others. What more could a parent want?!

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T15:15:00.000-07:00

My eldest daughter surprised me this morning with breakfast in bed. She made me a toaster streudel with "I Love U" written on it, an orange (already peeled) and bananas sliced up. My drink was ice water, but no ordinary ice water. The ice cubes had real purple flowers frozen into them!

I love my kiddos! Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms!

Of Princes and Princesses

2011-04-18T18:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone has heard about the soon-to-be princess, Kate, betrothed to Prince William.

Not too far away, at least by plane, in the hot tropics of Africa lives another princess, Princess Katie. She was not royal by birth, just like Kate. No, she grew up in an ordinary family in ordinary Tennessee. During her high school years, she fell in love with a man. He just happened to be of royal descent.

This man rocked Katie's world. The more she grew to know him, the more madly in love she fell.

During her Senior year of school, Katie spent some time in Uganda working at an orphanage. Her heart was smitten by the beautiful children, so much so that she spent her summer there as well.

When Katie came back, she wasn't the same person anymore. Sometime during that year, she had given herself fully to the man of her dreams, her prince. She became a married woman who now was of royal blood.

Both Kate and Katie have similar stories, but their realities are quite different. You see, the man Katie married was Jesus - the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Her union to Him makes her royalty, but her life is nothing like what you would expect for such a high honor.

Her home is not a castle laden with servants. In her home, SHE is the servant. Fourteen girls call her mom. Many others in the community call her "Auntie Katie" as she bandages wounds, feeds the hungry, listens to broken hearts and always, she introduces these people to her "husband".

No, you won't find her story on the cover of USA Today. Jewels and earthly goods - she has none. What she does have is favor with God Almighty. One day He will crown her head with many crowns. One day He will welcome her to her home in Heaven and she will be gloriously adorned. One day, she will have riches that far surpass the fleeting ones of this earth.

I had the privilege of meeting Katie when I was in Africa. I feel more honored to have spent time with her than any celebrity you can think of. Go to her blog and see her love for Christ shine through with every word she writes

www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

You will be blessed by what she has to say.
"I will betroth you to Me forever..." Hos. 2:19
"For your Maker is your husband-the LORD Almighty is His name..." Is. 54:5

Of Princes and Princesses

2011-04-17T17:36:00.001-07:00

Everyone has heard about the soon-to-be princess, Kate, betrothed to Prince William. Her marriage to William will change her status in an instant from ordinary to royalty.

Not too far away, at least by plane, in the hot tropics of Africa lives another princess, Princess Katie. She was not royal by birth, just like Kate. No, she grew up in an ordinary family in ordinary Tennessee. During her high school years, she fell in love with a man. He just happened to be of royal descent.

This man rocked Katie's world. The more she grew to know him, the more madly in love she fell.

During her Senior year of school, Katie spent some time in Uganda working at an orphanage. Her heart was smitten by the beautiful children, so much so that she spent her summer there as well.

When Katie came back, she wasn't the same person anymore. Sometime during that year, she had given herself fully to the man of her dreams, her prince. She became a married woman who now was of royal blood.

Both Kate and Katie have similar stories, but their realities are quite different. You see, the man Katie married was Jesus - the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Her union to Him makes her royalty, but her life is nothing like what you would expect for such a high honor.

Her home is not a castle laden with servants. In her home, SHE is the servant. Fourteen girls call her mom. Many others in the community call her "Auntie Katie" as she bandages wounds, feeds the hungry, listens to broken hearts and always, she introduces these people to her "husband".

No, you won't find her story on the cover of USA Today. Jewels and earthly goods - she has none. What she does have is favor with God Almighty. One day He will crown her head with many crowns. One day He will welcome her to her home in Heaven and she will be gloriously adorned. One day, she will have riches that far surpass the fleeting ones of this earth.

My Baby Turns 5!

2011-03-28T18:50:00.000-07:00

Five candles for 5 years of life. Her Birthday just happens to be her "Gotcha Day" as well. We would need 3 candles to celebrate that.

Princess? You bet!

She used to be Daddy's Girl, but now she's all mine! Her smiles are infectious.

Life really is like a vapor. It goes by so fast. Five years ago we weren't even thinking about adopting, yet our baby girl was being birthed out in the African bush.

Lack of food and resources led a young mother to make a very difficult decision. One day she made the long walk to an orphanage and handed over her only child. She knew that the moment she turned her back and walked away it would be goodbye forever. The most she could hope for would be a family who had enough food, treated her baby well and would give her a good education.

But she would never really know.

Sometimes I want her to know that I love her little girl beyond comprehension. She has never missed a meal and she is so stinking smart.

I cannot claim that she is all mine, though my heart cries out that she is. Reality is that she looks just like her birth mom. They share a dimple high on their left cheeks.

The years have healed the physical effects of birthing a child. I wonder if the emotional scars have mended. On the other side of the world, is a beautiful Liberian woman remembering this day? Does she ever regret her decision?

Or, has she moved on - everything a dim shadow of a time long ago?

All I know is, my life has been forever changed for the better by opening my heart up to my African babes! Through them, God in His graciousness has shown me how much He can love me - HIS adopted daughter!

Happy Birthday, my precious baby girl!

My Mr. Lovewell

2011-03-23T14:12:00.001-07:00

He pursued me relentlessly. I ran. There was no way I was going to open my heart up again. Pain has a way of making you protect yourself, setting up walls to keep you out of harms way.

He won. His persistance paid off. The walls around my heart crumbled, and I found safety where I expected none. In his arms I felt glimpses of a different kind of love; a love that endures.

Eventually, I shoveled away the debris left from my self-made fortress. Bare soul, I walked down the aisle. His eyes said it all. The love he was offering me was true to his character. It was unrelenting, persistant and enduring; it had not changed over the years.

The graying of my hair, an indication of time passing. The mirror confirms that life has indeed not stood still. Over 20 years have slipped by since he noticed me. I have not regretted letting him have access to my heart. Through the valleys of life, he has lovingly cradled my scarred heart; he has also taken me to mountain tops unimaginable. I am so thankful that I let him in!

The above description tells the story of 2 men in my life. Just a little over 20 years ago, the first man I gave my heart to was Jesus. He had been pursuing me for a long time. For an equally long time, I had been trying to find meaning to life. All of my efforts had resulted in pain and loss.

In rode my Prince, not on a stallion but rather on a humble donkey. He did not offer me riches or all the world has to offer. No, He offered me an enduring, persistent love - one that doesn't give up. He gave me what no one else would give...His life.

The second man is the one you see in the photos. He is my husband, my soulmate, my best friend. Through the years he has done an amazing job of reflecting God's love. People are more important to him than all of the riches of this earth. He really is someone who "loves well". I'm blessed that he is my Mr. Lovewell!

Worthless

2011-03-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

I was reading in Jeremiah today during my time with the Lord. As is typical, I will have read something many times before only to have it fall afresh on me. Today was no different.

The passage is directed to the nation of Israel, but that doesn't mean it is not applicable to us today.

Let these words sink in, "What wrong did your fathers find in me(God) that they went far from me, and went after worthlessness, and became worthless?" Jer.2:5 parenthesis mine

What am I chasing after that is worthless? What are you chasing after? Is it fame? Money? Acceptance? A life of ease? What do I spend my time on that really is of no value to me or God?

Did you catch the last part of the verse? If we chase after worthlessness then we become worthless! This is a strong statement. I do not want to become worthless to God's Kingdom. I want to finish the race of life running into the arms of Jesus. As He holds my expired body in His embrace of grace, I want to hear "Well done good and faithful servant!" There will be no sweeter words that my ears could hear.

I want to look into my Savior's eyes and see His pleasure; a statement void of words yet saying so much. I want to know that I sought after His heart and the things dear to Him. I want to know I didn't chase after worthlessness.

Looking through a different lens

2011-03-08T19:19:00.000-08:00

She was our fourth child...a pleasant addition to our family. With her arrival our family became even - 2 boys and 2 girls. Forever and always she has been our happiest child. Joy emminates around her.

Then, reality hit. She wasn't speaking and she was almost 3 years old. Several tests and doctors tried to figure her out. In the end, it was a diagnosis of a learning disability coupled with a language deficit barrier.

Life has been a struggle for her. Everything comes hard and she has to work 3 times harder than the average child. She is starting to realize that her brain doesn't always work like her peers. There is pain for me. What will a few more years bring to her realization?

Sometimes I want to change her and make it so she doesn't struggle. And then, God in His infinite wisdom gives me His eyes for just a moment. In that second, I wouldn't change her for the world!

We had just finished Church, and I went to gather all of the children together. I'm looking around, and see groups of people enjoying fellowship. As we are all guilty of it at one point or another, we gravitate towards those people we like - the ones that are easy to get along with. I scan through the people to see the most beautiful sight ever. My precious daughter had noticed all of the "unlovables"; the people who are in wheelchairs, the ones who drool and cannot care for themselves, the ones with broken bones and the ones who are lonely. One by one she ran up to each person and gave a hug and said, "You are so wonderful!"

She showed me life through a different lens. In fact, I saw my daughter exhibit more wisdom than people 10 times her age. She has been gifted with the ability to love beyond the exterior and to make each person feel valuable.

Lord, let me see people the way my baby girl sees them!

Would you have said yes?

2010-10-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

My nephew was at a restaurant with the entire cast from his high school. We are talking a LOT of kids! A man came over and asked the group of kids if anyone was a Jesus Freak (the term comes from a song). In the midst of immense peer pressure, my nephew stood up and said "yes". He was the only one. The guy turned out to be a Youth Pastor and went on to share the Gospel with all of the kids! How cool is that? I pray my kids will have the same courage.So, I'll ask my question again, "would you have said yes?"

Comfort or Christ

2010-03-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

I have agonized over this post for a long time. You see, in our society it is preached that you just come to Jesus and He will end all your suffering. Unfortunately, this does not line up with Scripture. Yes, Jesus heals and only He can fill the God-shaped hole we have in our souls, but if our lives were suddenly free from pain and we had all the money we needed and our kids were perfectly obedient...well, then we would have no need for God. Our dependence on God, our complete abandonment to Him is what He desires. Jesus walked the earth and modeled this. If ever there was someone who deserved to be free from pain, have lots of money and no suffering, it would be Jesus. He was God's only son. But, no, He came to this earth and suffered endlessly for all of us. Why should we think our lives would be above His? Why should we who are imperfect deserve more than the One who was perfect?

Jesus said in the Gospels to "consider the cost" of following Him. He does not promise us an easy life, but He does promise to carry us through life's ups and downs. He doesn't promise us treasure on earth, but He does promise us eternal treasures. In fact, we are warned that we will be persecuted and hated because we follow Christ. Do we gloss over verses like these or do we take Jesus seriously?

Three years ago, we were called to adopt. God made it abundantly clear that we were to go down this path. We had been foster parents for many years, so we were not completely ignorant to the trials we would face. It was a time to "consider the cost" - the cost to our family, the cost to our financial situation, the cost to our marriage. As most of you know, we went forward and brought home 2 precious kiddos from Liberia.

When you look at the heart of God, you will see He has a special place for the poor, widows and orphans. Most of us have seen pictures of starving, abandoned children. Our hearts may go out to them, we may even send money. Few people move to the next level and actually choose to change a child's life forever. The truth of the matter is that it is HARD. Your life will be turned upside down. You will deal with attachment issues, abandonment issues and birth mom issues. Your child/children will throw fits unlike any you have ever seen. They will do all sorts of things to distance themselves from the adoptive mom, because they are afraid to trust. Sometimes, I want to say to prospective adoptive couples, "Are you willing to do the hard things?" In essence, they need to consider the cost, for it shall be great.

The good news is that it is worth it! Just like our relationship with Christ is worth whatever we have to endure this side of Heaven, adoption is worth the cost. I get the privilege of seeing a life transformed right before my eyes. After yet another tantrum, I get to hold a precious child and lovingly reassure him/her that I will never leave no matter how naughty he/she might act. I get to emulate Jesus' love to my children - His unconditional, never giving up kind of love. I get to see signs of trust being built and a heart softened for the Lord.

Do we want comfort in this life or do we want Christ? Are we willing to live boldly for the One who will defend us from Hell? Are we willing to do the hard things to reap a closer relationship with our Maker? He was willing to do them for us!

Sending out an SOS

2010-03-16T10:47:00.001-07:00

Calling all adoptive moms, I need HELP! It seems that all of my parenting techniques do not work with one of my adopted kids. We went to Wal-mart this morning. All was well until we hit the checkout. I didn't comply with the request for candy. Everyone in the store witnessed one of the worst meltdowns I have yet to be a part of. A stern voice and threats didn't even phase him. I left Wal-mart half carrying him on the cart, half trying to restrain him as he was hitting me, kicking and pulling at my clothing. We get to the van and then he refuses to let the door shut. We had a power struggle for 10 minutes before I finally was able to get him to shut the door! Then, as I was driving to pick up another child from school, he unbuckled himself and tried to open the door again!!! I need practical, step-by-step advice on what to do.

Rapha

2010-03-07T14:36:00.001-08:00

Before Christmas, God made it clear to me that I was supposed to step out of my comfort zone and be used by Him to raise money to get the Gospel in the hands of the kids at Rapha school. All of the children at Rapha come from impoverished living conditions. They are children who really want to better themselves, but don't have the means to do so. Out of 300 children who regularly attend, only 50-some have sponsors. The school feeds all of the kids when they can - physically. Spiritually, they are constantly being fed through loving, Christian teachers and a discipler. The challenge is, the teachers have very limited resources. To own a book is a precious and rare thing.

Well, thanks to some very generous people(YOU), the kids at Rapha now have their very own Gospel Book! Enough money was raised to give books to ALL of the kids. The teachers and disipler have been going through them with the kids. The older 2 grades have even been challenged to completely understand what Jesus is inviting them to do. The children who best comprehend will be awarded a "sweet". In other words, they will get a piece of candy. Talk about motivation!!

These sweet children now have something to take back and share with their families. Please pray that all of them would find hope - the living hope of Jesus! Thanks again for being part of the Great Commission!

Its been a LONG time

2010-03-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

It is finally starting to warm up a little bit here. The weather was such that we were able to take the scooters out for a spin around the block. Two skinned knees and a sore thumb were the result; nothing a few bandaids and a handful of kisses couldn't cure. Oh, how I wish bandaids and kisses could always fix lifes boo-boos!

The ferret aka the overgrown rat

2010-01-26T18:49:00.000-08:00

About 3 years ago, I lost my mind and bought Dale a ferret for Christmas. I was attempting to love sacrificially. Trust me, it was a sacrifice to allow this thing in my house. The agreement was that dear hubby would provide all care for said pet. In short, I would never have to touch it. What I wasn't prepared for was the great amount of love the kids would have for this ferret. They carry it around like a stuffed animal, putting it in a doll stroller for walks and even sharing their snacks with it. Actually, the rat(oops, I mean ferret) has turned out to be a really good pet - if you can get beyond the odor!

When Fear Sets In

2010-01-24T14:42:00.000-08:00

Two years ago I was packing a suitcase in preparation to head to Liberia. Only a little paperwork was left and soon I would be holding my son. The next 2 weeks proved to be volatile. I didn't know what was happening from one minute to the next. In the end, though, I had my son.

He entered the room with his eyes to the ground. Dale offered him his hand and he willingly took it. After that, he only wanted Dale. My son knew his father was "safe". Dale is gentle, attentive, fun and protective. He is an easy man to trust. I don't think my baby boy has ever once questioned his father's love. He has felt it with the first grasp of his hand.

Then, there is my relationship with my boy. You see, he was left by his birth-mother at an orphanage. She was doing the most loving thing she could for him, but his little mind cannot comprehend this. She dropped him off and made a promise - one she could not keep. She said she would be back for him. A year later, my baby boy was still in the orphanage...waiting. He believed his mother would keep her word, despite the jeers of the other kids. And then the long awaited day comes, his mother has arrived. Only, I was not the mother he was expecting.

Our first weeks together were quite trying. He did not want my love or really anything to do with me. I had been forewarned to expect this kind of behavior, so I was not surprised. I continued to love and hold despite his resistance. Slowly, he started to want to sit on my lap or have me carry him. As soon as he would feel himself starting to attach to me, though, he would throw a fit. Crossing the line of actually caring for me is scary. To do so would give me the power to hurt him like he has been hurt before. I could leave, just like his birth-mom did.

Last week I did a road trip with my sister. Just the 2 of us went to see our cousins in Alabama. I was gone a total of 6 days. My welcome home was full of hugs, stories, notes and messy kisses. The fanfare was nothing less than what royalty receives. Then...there was the next day. I can't even remember what caused the meltdown. It usually isn't much, but it escalated to the point where my boy slapped me as hard as he could across my face. I went to grab him to put him in his room until I could think of a fitting punishment, plus I needed time to cool down. As I picked him up, he started screaming,"Don't touch me!" In adoption lingo, this means "touch me".

I wrapped my arms around him tightly (my legs too:))He tried to break free from my clutches for a few minutes. And then it happened, he melted. Instead of fighting me, he started clinging to me with all that is in him. The tears started pouring down his cheeks and in a brokeness I cannot describe he said over and over, "Mommy, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Mommy." In that moment, I knew he cared. He has reached the point where he loves me as much as any 5year old can, and it is scary to him. I now hold the power to hurt him by leaving. He has given me his heart - the most precious of gifts.

He sat on my lap for a very long time as I assured him that I loved him back. We had a few moments of silence and then I told him that I will never leave him. I said I will always come back to him. He grabbed me as tightly as he could and said, "I love you, too, Mommy!"

Pretending

2010-01-02T09:12:00.000-08:00

The kids are off school for Christmas break. One of their favorite things to do is play dress-up. Here they are at the "office". Notice Josiah's choice spot to work!

Charity Water

2009-12-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

Our sister-in-law surprised us this Christmas and bought us these tee-shirts. I don't think she really knows how much they mean to us. First, they were the best kind of gift - one that gives in two places. We get to enjoy the tee-shirt and the money spent on them will be used to drill wells in Liberia, so people will get the gift of clean water. How awesome is that? Second, she picked a present that really represents who we are. Dale and I both have hearts for the poor, the orphan, the widow, the underdog, and the outcast. So, here we are donning our new shirts!

A Few Christmas Photos

2009-12-25T21:01:00.001-08:00

This is a test

2009-12-09T10:21:00.000-08:00

Can you tell which child has a sponsor? Please do not ever question whether sponsorship makes a difference or not. The inward changes are just as dramatic as the outward changes. Ask yourself if God is calling you to help out a child in need. There are many credible organizations out there. Choose one and change a child forever!

Dates with our kids

2009-11-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

Dale and I decided a long time ago that WE would be the first ones to date our children. Since our oldest was about 8, I have taken him out so he will know how to treat a lady. He opens the van door for me, pulls my chair out for me to sit, and shares his heart with me. These have been precious moments. We now have 3 children old enough to go on "dates".

Here are a few photos from our most recent moments. How do you like my red-eyes?

Daddy's Hands

2009-11-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

In the adoption world, there is much talk about attachment. Most adopted children have had the normal cycle broken for various reasons. When children have needs and the parent is unable to meet the need, eventually the child shuts down and withdraws. As adoptive parents, one of our greatest jobs is to reaffirm the child's needs and attend to them quickly.

Another element makes this process more difficult than it would seem...trust has been broken. The child does not believe that you will continually meet his/her need for food, love, shelter, etc. They have learned at an early age that nothing lasts forever, including families. Some children do all that they can to push the adoptive parents away. To trust them to be there and love you would mean risking hurt. This was the case with our son. As soon as he would find himself wanting to love and trust me, he would do whatever naughty behavior he could think of. His little mind would reason that I am going to eventually leave him, too. He might as well behave badly enough to just get it over with.

Many nights I have held him and assured him over and over again that Mommy will not leave no matter how naughty he behaves. Often he will melt and sob into my chest with those words. For one more night, he trusts that I will be there.

I'm sure most of you can see the parallels with our relationship with our Heavenly Father. God is completely trustworthy, yet the circumstances of my life have made me doubt that. My earthly father died when I was 15, which has led me to expect my Heavenly Father to abandon me at various times. I have to go to His Word and rely on Truth (not feelings).

In the past few weeks, my son wants to sit on my lap whenever I sit down. He then takes my arms and wraps them around him. If I let one of my arms slip or move, he will promptly grab it and put it back around him - holding him tightly again. Progress has been made!

Then I think about my own progress. Do I grab onto God and make sure I am firmly in the center of His will? When I feel He is distant, do I strive to feel His arms around me? He never moves, so have I? There is no place more grand than being in my Daddy's arms.

Thinking of Christmas

2009-11-12T17:21:00.000-08:00

I have always wanted to be the Proverbs 31 woman. She is the epitome of female perfection. If you want to know what this type of perfection looks like, go and read the whole chapter. One of the verses says, "She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy." I want to be THAT kind of woman!

So what on earth does this have to do with Christmas, you ask? Well, let me tell you. Last week our family put together shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child. We fill a shoe box with items that a child in a Third World would need. Things like soap, pencils, a shirt, flip-flops, toothbrush and toothpaste go in the box and some child will get it as his/her Christmas present.

As the box is handed to the child, a booklet with the plan of salvation is also given to the child. Many children have come to know Jesus this way. It is written in their native language and the pictures look like the children it is going to.

I started thinking about the children we sponsor, specifically Harriet. Harriet is an orphan and lives at the orphanage I love called Rapha. She is one of 52 kids there who are true orphans. Another 250 kids come to school at Rapha. These other 250 are the poor and needy of the world. The above pictures are all kids who are from this particular area.

God spoke to my heart and told me to contact Operation Christmas Child, also known as Samaritan's Purse, and see if I could purchase just the booklets for the kids at Rapha. You see, a booklet is a precious thing to a child who doesn't own a single book. For most of them, it would be the ONLY present the child will receive this Christmas.

In my lack of faith, I expected OCC to say no. Just the opposite proved to be true. They were happy to give the name of the company who puts the tracts out. Each one costs 50 cents. I am asking all of you, my faithful friends, if you would help me get the Gospel into these kids' hands. Most of us can afford 50 cents or a dollar or two. I don't want to leave anyone out at Rapha, which means 300 tracts. Unfortunately, I do not have the entire $150.00 to send to cover the cost. Will you help?

Please send me an e-mail to me and I will send you my address. All money will go for the booklets. Any extra will be used to purchase even more for the surrounding families. Thank you for prayerfuly considering being a part of this Kingdom Gift!

Raking Leaves

2009-11-08T21:14:00.001-08:00

It was quite the job to get all of the leaves to the dump, but the help made it all worth while!

Overcoming

2009-11-02T18:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I am so completely overwhelmed with the fact that the same God who made spectacular sunsets, cares about little ole me! This week God lavished His immeasurable love on me. He showed me how He cares about not only my needs, but also my dreams.

Many of you know that I fell in love with Uganda when I was there this past spring. All I can think about is WHEN will I be able to go back. I drive my family nuts with my incessant thinking, sometimes I even drive myself nuts. As hard as I try, I cannot get Africa off my mind. Maybe, God doesn't want me to get it off my mind.

I took my older boys to a christian concert a week ago. As we were leaving, there before me was a booth set up. From where, you guessed it - Uganda! I briefly spoke with the woman at the booth. She told me her name was Ruth and gave me a brochure.

Later that evening, I glanced over the information Ruth had handed me. I discovered that she would be speaking at a coffee shop about her ministry. I mentioned to Dale that I would like to go and hear her.

Last Friday was the appointed night for Ruth to do her presentation. After almost 2 weeks of sick kids, I was more than ready to get out of the house. We arrived at the coffee shop and was greeted with a big hug from Ruth. I'm not sure how, but she recognized me from the concert.

We conversed for awhile and before I knew it, I invited her to my house. The amazing thing is that she accepted! Mind you, I don't know this woman. When God moves, you don't question it, though. Think of all of the disciples Jesus called. None of them said, "Could you give me a couple of weeks to think it over?" or "I need to go ask my wife if she minds me changing careers." No, they went, immediately.

So, yesterday I drove to where Ruth is staying and picked her up. Instantly I loved her. She has overcome more in her mere 30 years on this planet than what many of us have had to endure in a lifetime. Since she was 6 years old, she was left to raise her 4 younger siblings. Yes, at Olivia's age, she was fetching water, bathing the kids, making them meals and caring for them when they were sick. She took on any job she could find in order to pay for her school fees. Today, she has earned her Master's Degree in statistics. When asked how this was possible, she quickly gives all of the credit to God. She is a living example and testimony to the fact that God's plans cannot be thwarted.

What is even more amazing is that this dear woman made a promise to God when she was a teenager and she kept it. She told God that if He helped her to finish school, she would help other kids who were growing up in circumstances like she did. The day she graduated, she asked God to show her the kids. That was 5 years ago, today she is the mother to 60 children! Twenty-two have sponsors, but the rest of them she supports! None of us can complain about having too many kids to feed.

So, there we were - cooking chipote in my kitchen, sharing stories about Uganda, fellowshipping with a sister in Christ. For a moment, my world stood still as I basked in the revelation that God cares about me caring about Africa. He sent Ruth. When all things point to the fact that I won't be able to go to Uganda anytime soon, He brought a piece of Uganda to me.

Whoever Humbles Himself Like This Child...

2009-10-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

I have always loved children. When I was in college, I was a nanny to three lovely girls. They were my pride and joy. Dale and I used to joke that we were going to have 12 kids. Here we are half way to that number!

Many people look at us and think we are nuts. I think we are blessed! Another adoptive mom said on her blog that our children are the only thing we can take with us to heaven. That's why they are so worth our time and investment into their lives.

As I ponder why Jesus tells us to humble ourselves like a child, many things come to mind. First, children completely trust their parents. To those of us who have had good earthly parents, we did not wonder as children if our parents would take care of our needs. We just knew they would care for us. I would doubt my Heavenly Father less with caring for my needs if I went back to this simple faith.

Second, my kids are usually pretty good at doing whatever I ask of them. They may grumble, but seldom do they tell me outright that they will not do something. How many things has God aked me to do? Am I willing? Can I even hear what God is asking me to do or have I moved out of earshot. The closer I am to Him, the more likely I am to hear when He speaks. Ever notice how our children are usually under our feet? They just want to be close to us.

Oh, that I would humble myself like a child and sit at the feet of Jesus. May I listen to His every word and say "Yes, Daddy!" when He asks something of me.

Faith

2009-10-21T11:49:00.001-07:00

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Let's turn this verse around a bit. Do you want to know how to please God? You must have faith - no faith, no pleasing. What is faith? To the world it looks like stupidity. It's trusting that your bills will be paid when the checkbook is empty. It's having hope when there is no reason to have hope. It's trusting God's promises when you are staring at a mountain that is in your way.

God says that faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." No, I have never seen heaven, but I am certain I will one day. Why? Because God says so. He cannot tell a lie. If he tells you something, you can be sure it will happen. God cannot be contrary to his word.

As I looked at this picture of my daughter in a flourishing apple tree, I thought how the farmer had once planted a seed with the hope and faith that it would grow into a fruitful tree. Years later it has. May the seed of faith that God has planted in my life grow with each passing year until one day my branches are full of moments when I trusted God, even though I couldn't see him.

Harriet

2009-10-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

Life as been full of ups and downs lately, more than usual.
God is in the process of refining me. He is doing so for my own good, but oh how it hurts. You know it is dangerous to pray and ask God to break your heart for the things that break His. God will surely answer your request.

In the midst of much pain, God surprises me in a way only He can and reminds me of His great love for me. Today I received the sweetest letter in the mail. It was from my newest sponsored child in Uganda, Harriet. When I was over in Africa in April/May, I knew the next child that we would sponsor would be one of the kids I would meet on the trip. I did meet Harriet, but I didn't know that I had...until today.

She lives at Rapha, the place I really loved. I had the privilege of being able to spend a few days with the kids at Rapha prior to meeting up with the rest of the team. On one of those days, we were asked to teach the kids a Bible lesson. Due to the great disparity in ages, we taught about Jesus washing the disciples' feet. We then proceeded to wash all of the kids feet.

In the letter I received today Harriet said, "I have never forgotten the day you visited us and washed our feet. I was among the kids and I still remember the song.I thank you for loving me and praying for me. I will also continue praying to God to bless you abundantly for the heavy load you are carrying."

She met me and remembers!!! Do you know how exciting it is to know you have been face-to-face with the child you care for, pray for, write to and love on?! I wish I could remember her. Some day I will go back and re-introduce myself. I have to. She is not just a photo. She is a real, living child who has suffered much. She considers herself my daughter. I have to let her know I truly care for her.

The song she speaks of is "He Knows My Name". It is a beautiful song that talks about how Jesus knows us each by name and sees each tear that falls. What joy God has allowed me to have today, knowing for a brief moment I was able to touch this young girl's life.

To those of you who sponsor children - WRITE TO THEM!! It means everything to hear from you. It says you care. It says that they are about more than just sending a check once a month. It says you thought about him/her enough to interrupt your busy life for a moment. They are so worth it. Wouldn't you do that for your biological children if they were on another continent?

More Hair

2009-10-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

Twenty-four hours and a skein of yarn later, my girl has the long hair she asked for. Glad I don't have to take it out for at least 8 weeks!

Hair today, gone tomorrow!

2009-09-22T18:49:00.001-07:00

My baby girl wanted "long" hair like her sisters. Thanks to a local beauty vendor, I was able to pick up this ponytail for her. She has been shaking her head all day to feel her hair. Tomorrow, it's back to braids and beads.

The Past 36 Hours

2009-09-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone who prayed! We needed prayer coverage and felt the blessings of it.

Dale's surgery was a success, but it ended up being more complicated and the herniation larger than the doc's originally thought. While he was under anesthesia, his legs were flailing the entire time the doctor was operating. As a result, the doc accidentally nicked the dura around the spinal cord. Dale immediately went from out-patient to in-patient. I had to scramble to find someone who was out of his/her mind enough to be willing to watch 6 kids at the last minute - overnight! You know that romantic get-away we were supposed to have...I certainly hope last night was not it!

It was a pretty rough day, but many faithful friends made it easier to get through. I was blessed by visitors who kept me company, dinner made for me and a sister-in-law who decided she was crazy enough to take all 6 overnight. God is good!

I would love to share more, but I am so sleep deprived that I can't think of anything besides my bed at the moment.

Times of Trial

2009-09-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

Today I am sitting in a waiting room, waiting for my husband to get out of surgery. Many thoughts race through my mind. First, I am reminded that it is God alone who gives life. Every moment is in His hands, but at times such as this we are forced to pause and reflect on this fact. “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Mt 6:27 I cannot worry about whether the doctor is well-rested, whether there will be permanent nerve damage, whether this procedure will provide the much needed relief Dale seeks or whether insurance will pay for this. Worry will get me nowhere, but it might give me an ulcer. The one thing I can do that makes a difference is to pray. I can lay all of my burdens down at the feet of Jesus and trust that He will take care of them.

We have already seen many people in the body of Christ be tangible hands and feet to us this past week. God IS taking care of us. He sent a wonderful girl to watch our children (at 4:15a.m. mind you!) He put it on the hearts of friends from Dale’s Bible study to bring us supper. He has called upon the believers to pray for us (some even fasted, some prayed for over an hour at a time). We have the best set of Godly friends! Thank you to all of you who have given of your time, talent and/or money to share the love of God with us.

The second thing that became abundantly clear to me this week is how quickly life can change. Dale went from being a very self-sufficient man to one who needed help with the smallest of tasks. One wrong slip of the knife and he could be paralyzed for the rest of his earthly days. If insurance denies our claim, we will be in financial trouble. How easy it is to just sail through life thinking you don’t really need God. The truth is that we need to be in daily abandonment to the Lord. He wants us to trust Him with every moment, not just the ones of crisis.

So, today I am on my knees. I am praying for my husband, his health and our finances. I will also be praying for my children, their teachers, and friends because I can trust God with the mundane as well as the highly emotional.

Give Thanks In All Circumstances

2009-09-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

On a much smaller level, our family is feeing a bit like Job. A couple of weeks ago one of our children put a WII controller through the new 42 inch tv that was a family Christmas present last year. A few days after that our dryer decided to succumb to an early death. A few more days go by and Dale's back goes out. In the past week, it has progressively become more painful. The stove is trying to decide whether to live or die and I wouldn't be surprised if the washing machine jumps on the band-wagon. Oh, and did I mention that 3 out of 6 kids lied to us in the past 2 days over homework. The clincher, though, there is a rider on our insurance policy for Dale's back. His MRI and anything else he needs to have done will all be out of pocket.

As I was traveling back from the pharmacy, for yet another prescription, God reminded me to stop and joyfully give thanks for all that has taken place recently. So, I praised God for clotheslines as I hung up our clothes.I thanked Him for the unusually warm streak we have going on right now (helps dry the clothes). I praised him that we live in a country with good healthcare.I praised Him for taking away things so that I will miss them and not take them for granted.I praised Him that Dale still has a job.I praised Him just because He Is and it felt great!!

I'd like to think we are at least half-way through this time of being tested. If not, my soul will praise the Lord. Blessed be the name of the Lord.He is my rock, my fortress, my redeemer.

Mail From Uganda

2009-09-13T16:49:00.001-07:00

A friend from Uganda had heard it was my daughter's Birthday and asked for our mailing address. He wanted to send her a letter. Time passed by and said letter never arrived. Well, about 3 weeks ago I received an e-mail that he had forgotten about it and had just sent it on it's merry way.

A few days after the original e-mail, he sent another one. He had mistakenly put my daughters first name and then my husband's name for our last name. Second problem, he sent it to our Church's address (since it was the only one he had).

I could only think about the issues we heard of with Liberia and it's "mailing system". Basically, anything going in or out of the country never made it to its destination. Corrupt people would help themselves to the goods. I envisioned the same process happening in Uganda. I truly thought there was no hope for the letter to make it to the U.S.

To my complete surprise, the parcel arrived at our Church and today my girl had the privilege of opening it. Not only was she blessed with a letter but with bracelets, bookmarks and a coin purse! I don't think I want to know how many meals were missed or what sacrifice our Ugandan friend made in order to send this to her. Let's just say that I am constantly being humbled by my African friends.

There is a phrase that says, "I need Africa more than Africa needs me." I am seeing how true this is. I arrogantly thought I had things I could teach the people I met in Africa. How wrong I was! It is them who have taught me so much...like when the going gets tough, you run to God and fast for 21 to 40 days.(The correct answer is NOT to run to the chocolate!) Like, how to give out of your "nothing". Like, how to pray BELIEVING that God will really answer your request for your needs to be supplied. Yes, I definitely need Africa more than it needs me!!

If you are interested in hearing about the latest team's adventures in Uganda, click here. I guarantee it's worth your time!

17 years and counting

2009-09-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. We were SUPPOSED to be celebrating it by getting away to a hotel and having dinner out. Let it suffice to say that this happens less freqently than leap year. Let it also be said that it takes a small miracle to find someone to stay with all 6 of our kids. Instead of eating a gourmet meal someone else has made and enjoying a romantic evening, I am here blogging about what was to take place and didn't.

Remember the clause in the vows that says "for better or worse, in sickness and health..."? Let's just say that is the clause that gets a lot of people in to trouble. Wouldn't we all like for it to be "in health, for better, in times of plenty..."? It's during the difficult times that we grow, though.

This week my husband hurt his back. He wasn't doing anything strenuous. He simply adjusted himself in his office chair. The result is he cannot sit or lie down without intense pain. After 3 nights of no sleep, and I mean NO sleep, he went to the doctor. Unfortunately, the true cause of his discomfort could not be diagnosed, because he was unable to get into the necessary position for an MRI. A prescription for 4 drugs and 24 hours later he is still not finding any relief.

It was a mutual decision (not to mention obvious) to cancel our plans.

Despite how today turned out, I want to say "Happy Anniversary Honey"! You are the husband I dreamed of and longed for in my youth. I praise God that you are a man after His heart. May we be celebrating many more years together!

Meet My Girl!

2009-09-11T20:04:00.000-07:00

Dale and I have sponsored children for several years. Last March, we received a call that our girl had graduated from the program. We prayed about where to take a new child from. At the time I was in the process of preparing to go to Uganda with Children's Hopechest. God told me to wait. He had a child there for me.

The second orphanage we visited was called Rapha. I learned so much there. The kids quickly showed me what is important in life and what is not. I learned what it feels like to watch hungry children sit in the shadows watching the sponsored kids eat. I learned that soap and shoes and underwear are privileges, not necessities. I learned how to play hand games to count numbers and recite your ABC's, since chalkboards are also not essential.

We traveled on to other sites which progressively became worse, if that is even possible. The situations were dire. Signs of hope faded.

At the end of the vision trip, I still felt a pull towards Rapha. Perhaps it was because the children there shine for Jesus. I told Brandi to find a child for me there. She said I would have to wait because all of the orphans had sponsors. I agreed to do just that.

In my quiet time one morning, I felt God telling me that He had a girl for me(up to this point I was open to either gender).I e-mailed Brandi, informing her of this revelation and she e-mailed right back and said she just happened to have a girl who needed a sponsor. God is so good and works in amazing ways. I wanted to cry that the God of the universe would care about me and my desires and save this sweet girl just for us.

Her name is Harriet. She is standing next to Arthur who is the team leader at Rapha. Isn't she beautiful? One day she won't have those "orphan eyes". I pray that the sadness, distrust, fear and loneliness will be gone. In exchange may her eyes reflect joy, trust and the love of her Savior. Oh how I want to go over and just sqeeze the juice right out of her and tell her that I love her.

Milestones

2009-09-10T13:57:00.000-07:00

My baby girl lost her front tooth. Of course, this event took place 2 weeks before school pictures. We will forever have a permanent reminder of this momentous occasion. The culprit - an ear of corn!

After losing said tooth, she calmly walked to the garbage can and threw it away! All 7 of us shouted at the same time "You can't do that! You have to put it under your pillow."

She looked at us like we had 3 heads and said, "It ain't no good anymore!"

Everybody Needs One Of These...

2009-09-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

A friend that sticks closer to you than a brother. Someone who loves you enough to tell you the hard things. Someone who loves you enough to tell you what is really important in life - like Jesus.

Almost 30 years ago I met a shy girl in my French class. We hit it off right away. Despite my weird antics, she stood by my side. Even when my father died a few months into our friendship, she did not high-tail it out. Instead, she patiently waited through my bouts of flooding caused by increased tear production.

During one of those tumultuous nights, she shared the greatest message ever with me. With the faith of a mustard seed, she shared her heart and how God has changed her life.She explained that I still have a Father, he just is a Heavenly one. Oh what hope washed over me to hear those words.If I still had a father, then I was dead bent on finding out all about him. The next few years were spent being in Bible studies and immersing myself in the Word of God.

I never in million years would have thought that one day I would be sharing the EXACT same message,on the other side of the world, with children who have lost there fathers.I could hardly keep the tears in check as my dear friend's words resonated in my mind. The words that gave meaning to my life were now being passed on to others in the hopes that their lives would be impacted by the Heavenly Father.

She is my soul-sister, my kids auntie, my partner in destuction but most of all she is my neighbor who continually loves me the way Jesus commanded us to love our neighbors. I happen to have the best one that there is available, so all of you will have to settle for an inferior model. Still get yourselves one, though. They change your life for the better.

What Happens When You Ask God To Use You

2009-08-24T18:10:00.000-07:00

I became a christian years ago in high school. Shortly after God made Himself known to me, He put a desire in my heart for the nations. I had visions of being a missionary in foreign lands. Instead, I have spent the past 20-some years in basically the same town.

At least 3 separate times I was signed up to go on a missions trip and for various reasons, I had to cancel. Many times I questioned whether I had heard God correctly. So, I would pray and ask God to remove the desire if it was not from Him. It became stronger. Finally my long-awaited desire became a reality this past Spring. I went on my first overseas missions trip.

I loved every moment I spent in Africa. There were moments of soul-searching, in fact, most of my moments were cutting me to the core of who I am. Every ounce of me was put into question. Could I love these people the way Jesus wants me to? Am I genuinely concerned about their needs? Will I trust God to protect me from sickness and disease? Who am I really when all of my comforts have been stripped away?

I learned so much about myself and my Saviour. Ever since I have been back I have had a one track mind - Africa. I long to be THERE but have a family and husband HERE. I had a taste of what significance looks like and nothing here seems to compare. When you look a child in the eyes who has not eaten for days and you get the opportunity to serve her, your life takes on new meaning.

Discontentment - that is what I have allowed to breed in my life. So, I asked God to use me and He has! I still would prefer Africa, but for now this is my ministry. Take a look at these kids. It seems like they have come out of the woodwork this summer. This is the first year that I consistently have anywhere from 12 to 14 kids at my house. They are not always the same kids but they all have two things in common. One, all of them come from broken homes. Two, all of them need Jesus.

You see, God used my trip to Africa to teach me the importance of feeding a child and taking time to notice him/her. Had I not gone on my missions trip, these children would have probably been annoyances. Instead, they are my mission field. Tonight I had 3 extra kids for dinner. Most people think I am nuts. I choose to think that God will use our family to show these kids what a home-cooked meal and two-parent home looks like. Besides, they always get to witness us praying when they stay for supper. Most nights they get to listen to us do devotions as well.

I still believe Africa is in my future (how can it not be when 2 of my children are from there). For now, I will look out my window and see that the harvest is ripe.

Here are just a few of the kids who hang out with us:

Weekend in Madison

2009-08-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

Dear hubby surprised all of us and planned a get-away to Madison. It was a much needed reprieve from our hectic life.

We arrived Friday night at the hotel, which was booked solely on the fact that it was the only one in the city with an indoor water park. Everyone quickly changed into their swimming suits and we were ready to hit the slides. Our plans were soon thwarted when we read the following sign, "Pool closed due to vomit in it." Everyone who knows me knows that I would rather have read it was full of blood or boogers - anything but the dreaded vomit.

All of us changed clothes and decided to go play a mean round of mini-golf. The children all take after their mother when it comes to accuracy and hitting a ball. Let's just say the ball never goes in the direction it is supposed to.

We ended the evening by taking a stroll down State Street. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Madison, State Street is the epitome of the melting pot. You will find every kind of person and personality there. Joshua feared for his life and decided he liked our small town better. Caleb thought the bantering between people was hilarious. Elizabeth loved the music wanna-be musicians were playing and being silly with her dad (at one point they pretended they were chickens - and on that street, no one thought they were crazy). The younger ones only cared about which flavor of ice cream to choose.

Saturday we experienced something called Africa-Fest. It was amazing! We had the privilege of meeting people from all over Africa. A couple of highlights were meeting a woman from Liberia. She found out my daughter was from Liberia as well. The woman asked me which tribe she was from and started speaking to my daughter in her native tongue. To my complete astonishment, Brie answered her back in Bassa! Mind you, she is only 3 and has been with us for 1 and 1/2 years. God has made our minds in such an intricate way, hasn't He?

The second blessing was a booth at the end of the lane. I have been missing Africa terribly ever since I returned. I particularly miss a certain city that God has laid upon my heart - Jinja, for this city holds people that are dear to my heart. Earlier that very morning I had spent some time with God and had been reading about Gideon.(trust me, I'll tie all of this together soon) God called Gideon "mighty warrior" even though Gideon was small in stature. The lesson I learned is that the way God sees us is not at all how we see ourselves. He sees our potential when we are trusting in Him alone. So, back to the booth. I look up and see a great big sign that says "Jinja"! It was the only booth labeled with the name of a city (and the city I love out of all of the ones in Africa). Of course I had to go and talk to the men who were manning the booth.

We shared our love for Africa and talked about what we were doing in Jinja. I finally decided I had taken up enough of these gentleman's time and turned to leave. One of the men stopped me and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." I told him mine and he said, "Nice to meet you. My name is Gideon"!

Oh how I love my Savior!

Needless to say, we had a great time in Madison.

More pictures from the pool

2009-08-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

We had some family time today. Can you tell that everyone had a good time? Like the magazine pose of Josiah!

A Day at the Pool

2009-08-11T20:22:00.001-07:00

Friends

2009-08-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

Last weekend my roommate from college came for a visit with her family. We had a great time catching up and our kids meshed like they had known each other forever. We each have 2 adopted children. Hers are adopted from the United States, so it's a little bit harder to distinguish adopted versus biological:) Here they all are together (minus one who was working).

The Necklace

2009-07-30T19:39:00.001-07:00

My two older sons were away at camp for a week. They had a great time but they were glad to be home. I received quite a few bear hugs and let me tell you, they can just about squeeze the guts out of me these days. Shortly after their return, my oldest son disappeared for about 15 minutes. I saw him walking towards our house about a block away and started to get angry that he didn't tell me he was leaving. I couldn't be mad, though, when he sheepishly smiled and held out a bag for me to open. Inside was a necklace, a beautiful necklace. Get this...he took his birthday money to buy it for me. The reason - he knows how much I miss Africa and he thought if I had a necklace that looked like one from there, I wouldn't miss it so much. Don't I have the best son!

The picture is of me(wearing the necklace) and my precious boy! Some girl is going to be greatly blessed to get him.

Being Silly

2009-07-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

HAVING FUN WITH MY FAVORITE PEOPLE!

Orphaned

2009-07-28T15:01:00.000-07:00

On Mother's Day of this year, my husband preached at our church about adoption. He explained how God adopted us as His sons and daughters. It was a beautiful sermon. If you'd like to listen to it click here.

A new movie was just released about an orphan gone wrong. I do not know anything about the movie, but I want to tell you about our adoption gone right.

Dale and I have always loved children. Our hearts particularly went out to the disadvantaged, poverty-stricken, lonely hurting kids. We started doing foster care while in the midst of enlarging our own family. We saw many beautiful children adopted to wonderful families. Occasionally, a child would return home.

After 9 years of fostering we felt God leading us to change a child's world forever. We changed our license from foster care to adoption and began the lengthy process. We thought we knew what to expect, but we were unaware of the deep emotions we would feel.

From the moment we had the name of our son and daughter, we would do anything to get those children. They were as much "mine" as any biological child I bore. I cannot describe the love I felt. I did not have to feel the child kicking or see my stomach move to believe that they were mine.

The battle to get them home was long and hard. I will not lie and say otherwise. Part of my heart was in Africa and officials there could decide if my heart was ever to be made whole. Thank God, the One who gives life, all of my children are with me now!

The kids have been home for a little over a year now. This past year has certainly gone faster than the year when we were waiting. It, too, has not been without trials. I would not expect it otherwise. Any child put up for adoption is in a crisis situation. The child is uprooted from all he/she knows. Who wouldn't struggle with fear of abandonment, some anger and rebellion!Does it get better? Absolutely!

The joy my children bring is immeasurable. I cannot recount to you the number of times my heart has been blessed. Thank you Lord for my children, ALL of my children.

This picture is of 3 children who were once orphans...but not any longer!

John Waller

2009-07-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

Many of you may have heard of the movie Fireproof. Last night hubby and the three older kids and I went to see the song artist, John Waller, who recorded a popular song from that movie. It was a very moving night.

John shared his testimony and his struggle with depression. He also shared how God healed him completely. One thing that stood out to me that he said was, "You cannot be walking in the Spirit if you are sitting in the pit." Think about that for a minute.

His song that made him famous is called While I'm Waiting. He told us he had been with a band on the road for 15 years. He knew God had called him to to a career of this nature yet the "big break" never came. The band broke up and John took a position as a worship leader. He spent the next 10 years or so in that position when God revealed to him that the time had come for the fulfillment of his dream. His wait was over. God wanted him to leave his secure job and start touring again. He has a wife and 4 children to support. Talk about scary!

Not only has John stepped out in faith with his job, but he also felt God told him that he was not to keep anyone from receiving encouragement through his music. His cd's are all available for whatever donation you can make. Yes, kids were walking away with cd's that they only paid $1.00 for. Yet, others, they were being gracious and paid $50.00. Isn't it great to see the family of God come together?

Thank you, John Waller, for showing my children what it looks like to really live out your faith. My kids were able to meet him personally, get his autograph and be inspired...inspired to live more for Christ and less for themselves.

Living in Light of Eternity

2009-07-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

Around this time of the year I start shopping for things to fill up shoeboxes for Samaritan's Purse. At Christmas time Samaritan's Purse sends the shoeboxes to third world countries. I grab things like flip-flops and tee-shirts when they are on sale. I happened to be getting a few things the other day when precious daughter (child #4) said, "Is that for a girl in Africa?" Without giving the long detailed answer that it could actually go to about 30 different countries, I just simply said, "yes". She started grabbing things off of shelves and wanted to send EVERYTHING to Africa. I'm telling you, she is a girl after my own heart! May she always remember the poor. Even Paul said it was the very thing he was eager to do and who doesn't want to have a faith like Paul's?

PLEASE READ!

2009-07-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

The very first person I met when I went to Uganda was a man named Patrick. He took care of Debbie and I the first 5 days we were there. He is a Godly man who loves the Lord and his family very much. When Debbie and I went in April, Patrick and his wife Sarah had just had their third baby - a little girl named Melannie.

I am calling on everyone I know and even those that I don't to help this family out. This week it was determined that Melannie needs heart surgery. She is a mere 3 months old and is struggling for her life. A doctor in New York has agreed to do the surgery free but they still need plane tickets. Three tickets are needed. One for Sarah(the mom), one for Melannie(the baby) and one for a nurse to be with Melannie the entire way.

Please check out Patrick's blog and see pictures of Melannie.Go to www.beingabridge.blogspot.com

The above pictures are of Patrick, Debbie holding Melannie with Mark(Patrick's oldest), Debbie and Melannie, and Martha(Patrick's second-born). I am going to see if I can set up an account somehow for people to donate towards helping this precious little girl.

I beg of you to help save this baby's life!

Vacation

2009-07-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

Every year my wonderful sister takes one of my children to have special "Auntie" time. This year it was Olivia's turn. Well, miss independent didn't like her independence. She quickly became homesick so Auntie suggested we meet in Door County for some fun. Here are some photos from the day.

Funny Moments

2009-07-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

My oldest son is now a teenager. True to the forces of nature, he is now starting to take notice of the opposite sex. I began to panic a bit and made my husband order the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" immediately. A week later the book arrived. My son saw it and asked why I wanted that book (since I am definately not in the dating arena). I said that I was going to read it with him. With a terrified look on his face he said, "Why on earth would I want to kiss dating goodbye when I haven't even said hello?" Too funny!

Interruptions

2009-07-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

It has been said that life is more about the interruptions than the plans. I have been seeing how true this statement is lately. For example, today I just wanted to clean. Half of my kids were gone so I figured it would be a good day to get things done. A few hours into my cleaning frenzy a neighbor called to see if we wanted to meet at the pond. Honestly, the answer was no. I was on a mission and the pond was not part of the plan. I had 3 pleading faces looking to see what I would say...so I gave in.

I spent the next 2 hours talking to the neighbor's dad about Church, Bible Studies and reading the Bible - mind you that this person is not a christian. I would have missed what God had planned if I had stayed home and cleaned.

Take time for the interruptions in your life. You never no what eternal impact they just might have!

Denied

2009-07-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

I heard from Arthur yesterday. As you can see from the title he was denied a visa. The reason - he did not have sufficient income nor ties to his country to want to return. I happen to disagree with the ties part. He has children, a job, a house and a ministry he runs to return to. I accept God's will in this but what is hard to accept is the privilege of being an American.

On my passport is a quote. It says, "The cause of freedom is not the cause of a race or a sect, a party or a class - it is the cause of humankind, the very birthright of humanity." I did not write this on my passport, it was put there by our government. If freedom really is a birthright that transcends race and class then why is it limited to Americans and those who have wealth? What does God want me to do with the great privileges He has given to me? I could have been born in Africa or India or anywhere else where freedom is limited. Instead I was born here. It is not easy for me to reconcile in my mind how I could be given so much and others given so little.

The faces of the kids I saw in Africa - faces that were starving and scared and sick - they haunt me. Every meal I eat, I see them in my mind and think of how they are NOT eating. I go to sleep in my bed and think of those sleeping on the ground. I put on clean clothes in the morning and think of a little boy I saw who was wearing long underwear with all of the buttons missing and the butt blown out.

Lord, please show me how best to use my freedom for others!

Moses

2009-07-05T18:01:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of contemplating lately. In a recent time with God I found these words from Luci Swindoll:

"The most amazing person in this whole bunch is Moses, because of a choice he made. And what did he choose? He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God. Why would he do that? At that time, Egypt was the loftiest society of the day - rich in beauty, education, art, trade, culture - and the Hebrew people were, by comparison, nothing more than a dung heap on the outskirts of town. Moses, even though he had been reared from babyhood by the daughter of Pharaoh, chose the dung heap. Unbelievable!Instead of staying where things were nice and clean, prestigious and comfortable, he chose mistreatment. I find that thought-provoking.

Would I choose mistreatment? I wonder if I'd have that strength of character. Loving the nicer things in life, I'd have to reach down into that part of me where my values lie. What would it take to make me choose what's best rather than what's easiest? Such a decision would have to come from a sense of direction - from my faith.

By faith, Moses chose wisely and looked at the disgrace and mistreatment as a temporary burden, with his ultimate reward of greater value than what society had to offer. Faith willfully chooses even disgrace or mistreatment because it sees, through an act of trust, the eventual reward that comes from Him who is invisible."

What will I choose - a life of faith or one that is comfortable? Faith costs you something. Sometimes it is money, sometimes it's giving up things, sometimes it's losing friends. It's choosing God even when it doesn't make sense. How many people really believed it was going to rain when Noah was slaving away to make an ark? Who would believe that God would tell Abraham to sacrifice his son? What about Sarah? How many people really believed she was pregnant until she actually had Isaac?

I think about Joseph in the Bible. He was a great man of God. One difference between his life and Moses' is that Joseph chose to make the most of the circumstances he was in. He didn't choose to become a slave, his brothers made that decision for him, but he was faithful to God even in the difficult situation. Moses chose the difficult situation.

I want to look more and more like Jesus. Perhaps to some people my actions will look foolish. That's okay, as long as my Heavenly Father looks down and smiles, I will be as crazy as He wants me to be!

Arthur

2009-07-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned Arthur a few times in previous posts. God has been moving mountains with this man. He has his visa appointment July 8th. Please pray along with me that God would continue to pave the way for him to come to America. I will let you all know as soon as I know.

When Words Hurt

2009-07-02T12:18:00.000-07:00

Two of our neighborhood kids were at my house chatting with me. Their mom works and goes to school fulltime. Their dad...well each of the 3 kids have different fathers. The man who is presently in their lives is the mom's boyfriend. The older 2 children have never seen their fathers. They were voicing their sadness to me. Oh how my heart hurt for these girls. They also were telling me how they get teased because they are mixed ethnicities.

Josiah overheard their conversation and he said he used to get teased in Africa. I waited to hear what tall tale he would come up with. Really, how much could he remember from when he was 3 years old. What came out of his mouth made me cry, though. He said his mom had dropped him off and said she would be back. The kids all laughed and told him that she was lying, that all the moms said that but they never returned. He said, even though they were right, it still hurt that they teased him about it.

In a moment I rememberd the look on his face when I returned from Africa. How he fell to the ground sobbing deep sobs. He couldn't stand he was so sad. I knew he thought I wasn't really going to return but I had no idea of this memory tucked away in his little mind. No precious boy, this mommy will never leave you. May God erase your pain as time goes on. May you learn to trust. May your life never be turned upside down again. May you know that I love you more than my words can possibly say.

God's Faithfulness

2009-06-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

I am so humbled by the goodness of my God. Time and time again I fail Him or doubt Him. No, He's never given me any reason to doubt His goodness or faithfulness; it is me who gets in the way. I usually question or analyze everything to death - just ask those around me.

When I was in Uganda God was working on me in many different areas, and He hasn't stopped since I've been back. He stretched my faith in ways I can't even explain. I saw God provide, give me His love for people and face my greatest areas of weakness.

I changed my major 4 times in college. Do you know why? No, it was not because I couldn't decide on a career; it was that I refused to take public speaking. My knees would go weak and I would feel sick to my stomach every time I had to talk to more than 2 people at a time. You know what God made me do when I was in Africa? Yep, you got it - speak! I shared my testimony with literally hundreds of kids.

Well, I boarded the plane heading back to America. One of the thoughts I had was, well at least I won't have to do that again! Wrong! I was asked to speak to my children's classes about my trip. I put it off for days. Finally I went and it was such a blessing to be able to tell my kid's classmates about Christ. I saw some of the children's eyes grow wide as they understood things.

Once more I breathed a sigh of relief when that was finished, but God wasn't (and isn't) done with me yet. Do you remember Arthur? He's the one who we want to come and visit the US. To apply for his visa, I had to call area churches and see if they would be interested in having us speak. Notice that "us". Yes, I will have to talk and this time to adults, yikes!

I guess we will find out if anyone can die from public speaking:)

Once again, I say God is good and faithful. May He ever be stretching me to look more like Him!

Vac Man

2009-06-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true. I have my very own vac-man. He is my neighbor who just happens to love vacuuming. As I speak, or should I say write, he is doing the living room. He just finished the stairs and if he has time I know he'll do the sunroom. I bet you all are jealous now!

In reality, he is one of the sweetest teenagers I know. He will come over and spend an hour or two talking with my kids about God. They meet on the trampoline in our yard and discuss what they are learning in the Bible. How cool is that!

He graces me with the title "second mom". I feel so blessed.

Some day he plans to design his own vacuum cleaner. Trust me, this 13 year old boy knows everything there is to know about vacuums. Look for me on Oprah in 10 years saying, "He used to be MY vac-man"!

13 is a grand number

2009-06-26T14:13:00.000-07:00

My eldest child turns 13 tomorrow. At times, I see glimpses of the man I envision him becoming. At other times, I see a little boy. In the next few years he will have to learn how to leave boyhood behind and reach forward to all that God has in store for him. I know many people dread the teen years but with this particular child I do not. This precious child would rather go to Africa than be given anything else in the world. Since he has been very little, he has loved people and been concerned about their salvation. He has led 2 of our children to the Lord and his Auntie. Years ago he gave away his favorite Bible because a boy in our neighborhood said he liked it. At night he prays that one day he will have a godly wife who will be content with little money. He knows that he wants to be either a pastor or missionary because he desparately wants people to know Jesus. What more could a mom possibly want! Happy Birthday my precious son! I love you so very much and look forward to watching you grow in the next year.

Comparing

2009-06-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

I happen to be blessed to know many amazing Godly women. They are doing incredible things for the Kingdom. I mean AMAZING things. One young lady was used by God to heal a blind woman. Another friend has raised thousands of dollars to feed hungry children. Another is starting her own special needs orphanage in Liberia. The list goes on and on. These women have listened to God and followed His voice. I am proud of them and humbled to be called their friend. Then I turn my eyes upon myself and wonder what I'm doing wrong. Some days I feel like I can barely make it through parenting 6 kids. I met many women in Africa who were parenting 15 to 20 kids, 6 is just a drop in the bucket. God gently reminds me that He has called each of us to different things. I cannot compare myself to anyone else. I can only be faithful with what He has given me and keep my eyes looking up (not side-to-side).

God reminded me of something last night. A year ago someone we knew in Liberia needed food for him and his family. My oldest son overheard my husband and I discussing this issue. He went to his room and brought me back all of his money that he had received from his birthday. He said, "Mom, I was saving this for a video game but I think food is more important. Is there a way you can send it to Africa for me?" He gave me every last penny he had and we went to Walmart and sent the money. He never once looked back or thought twice about his decision. Oh how I love this child's heart! God has given me something grand to do - it is raising my children to love Him and have His heart; may I do it well!

My Man

2009-06-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Father's Day here in America. It's a day set aside to take time to think about the father you have been given. For some people, it is a hard day because they did not grow up with a loving father. For many years it was a hard day for me because my father died when I was young. A turning point came for me, though, the day a dear friend of mine shared with me that I still had a loving father - I just couldn't see him. From that moment on, I began to know my Heavenly Father. My life was forever changed! The best part is that this Father is perfect! He can do no wrong, He can never point me in the wrong direction.

In fact, God removed an ungodly man from my life and 6 months later gave me "My Man". Oh how good God is! I have been with Dale for 20 years, married for 17. I wouldn't trade a single moment I've spent with him. He is a God-fearing man who is sold out to Christ. He has loved me more than himself many times. He is an amazing father, a hard-worker and a very giving man. I am so glad he is mine! Thank you Lord for your wonderful blessings!

I love you, babes!

Computers. Facebook and My Integrity

2009-06-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my nephew sent me a message on facebook. It said, "ganda - your home video". I had recently returned from Uganda and had posted a video to you-tube the day before. I thought he was commenting on my video and had just mistyped Uganda(leaving off the U). I opened the e-mail and immediately it sent horrific messages to my entire facebook list. Dale tried to remove the garbage from facebook. We thought he had succeeded, only to find out that the virus is wired to repost 3 hours later.

First, my Pastor calls to inform me that I've been spammed. Next, I get calls from dear friends whose children received vile messages. I was horrified! The worst of it was that it made people who have known me for a long time question my integrity. Oh how quickly garbage can infect everything around it.

Dale continued to work on my computer to rid it of the spam. Unfortunately, the virus infects more than just facebook. It makes ads appear instead of google, it shuts my computer down whenever it feels like it and it won't load pictures anymore.
I have to do many things through Dale's laptop. Well, I think he finally was tired of me interupting him for help. Yesterday he announced to me that he had ordered me a laptop! Keep in mind that the computer I work on now is around 10 years old and the monitor is even older. Also keep in mind that there is nothing my husband enjoys buying me more than electronics (and this will be a business write-off). Usually I am not very grateful for the things he wants to get me. I would rather have a walk with him or some other kind of cheap date. This time I am very grateful! I have been praying about what my involvement is to be in Uganda. A new computer can be a great help in this endeavor. May God get all of the glory through this! He CAN take something negative and turn it into something He can use for His glory.

Where my mind is...

2009-06-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

I never really left Africa. My heart is still there.

bugs

2009-06-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

Just thought y'all would like to know that yesterday my husband was dared to eat a live caterpillar by his nieces and nephews. I am happy to report that he obliged. The kids were a mixture of delighted and disgusted. I think I'll wait until tomorrow to kiss him :)

My kiddos

2009-06-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

It finally has been acting like summer here in Wisconsin. I took the opportunity to take a few photos.

Meet Ruth

2009-06-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

Here is the wonderful woman, Ruth, that I mentioned last time. I look forward to meeting her in Heaven!

Our citizenship

2009-06-10T18:43:00.000-07:00

Do you know that as U.S. citizens we can get a visa to almost anywhere in the world? Do you know what a privilege that is? I took this for granted until I started meeting people who are denied again and again the right to leave their country. No matter what atrocities are taking place in their land, they are stuck. During my quiet time with the Lord, He revealed some things to me. As U.S. citizens we can go to Africa, buy a visa at the airport and if things get rough we can be on a plane headed back to America. What if we decided to move to Uganda and give up our citizenship here, becoming Ugandan citizens. You would say we were crazy! Why on earth would we give up the ability to go anywhere. Well, that's just what Jesus did. Think about it, He gave up His citizenship in Heaven to come to earth. He willingly left everything. Are we willing to do the same?

In my last post, I mentioned a place I love - Rapha. The man who shephards the children there is Arthur. He married an amazing woman named Ruth who had the vision for putting children into foster families instead of orphanages. Ruth devoted her life to helping children find families, love and Jesus. Last fall Ruth died unexpectedly. In her short life, she touched the lives of so many. Since then, Arthur has assumed the role as the leader of Rapha. He also is a teacher and the father to 5 children. When I was in Uganda, God laid it upon my heart to try and get Arthur over here to stay with us for awhile. I had no idea why or how. I've had some crazy ideas before but this seems really wild, I know. So, I come home and share my idea with Dale (lets bring a guy over that I've known for 5 days) and guess what he says...do it!! Okay, we are all nuts. Living for the Lord is usually out of the ordinary, though. We are now waiting to see if Arthur can get a visa to come for this summer. We know if God started this, He will be the one to see it through. When and if Arthur comes, it will be because God has opened the doors and has a plan. Here are some pictures of Arthur (see he's not the serial killer type)!

I've fallen in love again

2009-06-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

...and no, I'm not cheating on my husband! I fell in love with a group of children who are part of Bethesda International (also known as Rapha). I spent 3 days getting to know the children, teachers and caretakers there. The kids taught us hand games, how to stick grass in your ears to keep your holes open, which type of grass to floss your teeth with and how to sing beautiful praise songs. We sat on top of a hill overlooking the amazing countryside of Jinja. The children encircled me and asked me question after question. Let me say, they did not ask simple questions like "what is your name?" No, they asked questions that cut to the core of who I am. They asked me why I couldn't be their mom, would I ever want to be their mom, could I eat what they eat and live like they do, will I go back to America and forget about them. No, sweet children, I will never forget about you. I can't. God reminds me of you every single day. Your songs resonate through my mind. The memory of your smiles make me smile. Your questions inspire me to think globally.

Two instances run through my mind again and again. The first took place while chatting with the older girls of Rapha. Boys were playing soccer near by and the ball took a curve landing on my head. I had placed my sunglasses on my head so I could better see the girls. Needless to say, my glasses broke. Immediately, one of the girls looked me in the eyes and said "What now? You'll just go back to America and buy another pair, won't you?" Normally, yes; this time, no. How could I when I have stared into the eyes of poverty. In fact, I have found it very difficult to even go to the grocery store since I've been back. We have so many choices available and the kids in Africa have so few. The verse that God keeps reminding me of is "To those who have been given much, much will be required." I have been given so much. My list of blessings from God could fill several pages. May my precious Lord have a list just as long detailing times I have given out of my love for Him. I know my salvation is not based on how much I do, but oh how I long to please the One who saved me.

The second instance took place after we had taught the kids a Bible lesson. We shared with them John13:1-17, where Jesus washes the disciples' feet. After the lesson, we had the kids fill basins with water and we washed every childs feet. As I was washing one little girl's, I noticed a sizable sore on her leg. I had brought a traveling first aid kit, so I grabbed a band-aid out and put it on her leg. Before long, I had children from all over the village lined up to get a band-aid. The wounds kept getting more severe and my supplies ran out. I wanted to cry as little girls brought me babies who were sickly and thought that I could heal them. I prayed for these children and I still pray for them. How I wish a band-aid would make everything better!

The kids sang a song for us that I just loved. It was called "Jesus is the Hope of Africa". Here it is for your enjoyment:

She wants to go to Africa

2009-06-05T07:38:00.000-07:00

...but not for any of the reasons you may think. There has been a lot of talk about our adopted children's birth moms. We actually spoke with Gabriella's mom on the phone recently and were able to send her some rice. Both Josiah and Brie (as she is affectionately known to us as) have asked if I will someday take them back to Africa. Of course my answer is YES. Next question is, "can I see my black ma?". My answer is "yes, when you are older." Well, Olivia is trying to process all of this. A few days ago she announced, "When I get older, I'm going to Africa and I'm going to see my black ma, too!" Go ahead, just try to convince my strong-willed girl that she does not have a drop of african blood in her! Oh how my children make me laugh.

Frustration

2009-06-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

On my second day in Africa, I went to an orphanage called Bethany Village. It is an amazing place; a vision of what children look like when they are well-cared for and sponsored. Half of the fun going to Bethany was getting there. First, we took a boat across Lake Victoria (once we even had a stow-away cockroach on board with us - African sized! I was told to flick it into the water, which I did. Our Ugandan friend David could not believe I would do that. He said he's never seen a Mzungu who didn't scream hysterically.) After the boat, we hopped on a boda-boda (motorcycle). It was rainy season at the time I was there. Imagine dodging mud-puddles, cows and vehicles as I traveled about 2 miles back into the bush. I was in Heaven. I have always felt that I was made to live in Africa...perhaps someday.

At the end of our boda-boda ride we found ourselves at Bethany Village. It was there that I met Jackie, a 14 year old girl that I dearly love. I spent 3 days getting to know her and helping her to do her chores. She shared with me her life story and the pain it entails. She is happy now. She has a sponsor, food, clothes, an education and a family. Still, her present circumstances do not erase her past.

One of the saddest moments with Jackie was when she told me that her sponsor has only written to her once in 4 years. She wanted to know why he didn't like her. Oh how my heart broke for this precious girl. I'm sure her sponsor has no idea how his lack of words hurt her, how she feels rejected. I thought of my own children that I sponsor. How often do I write to them? Have I written enough that they know I really truly care about them?

I left Jackie with a promise...I would write to her often. When I returned to America, I looked in my money pouch for her e-mail address and it wasn't there. I had everyone else's that I had collected but not hers. How could I lose hers? I was mad at myself, frustrated. After many e-mails to various people in Uganda, I still do not have her e-mail. She thinks I, too, do not care for her. My heart can hardly stand it. She doesn't know that I have thought of her every single day. She doesn't know that I am praying for her. Oh Lord, please let someone answer my e-mail and give me her address.

Introspection

2009-06-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

Ever since I returned from Africa, I have spent a lot of time thinking about all that I saw. I'm not sure I have even been able to process half of what I witnessed. I will try to devote one post a day to something that made an impression on me. Today I am going to start with Northern Uganda, since that is what my most recent post is about. One of the last days we were in Soroti, we traveled northeast about 2 hours to a location where many people had been internally displaced. This place was unlike any other that we had seen prior. Indescribable hunger was all around us. There was no joy, no smiles, no songs to welcome us. Everywhere you looked, children had orange hair - a sign of malnutrition. Mothers tried to nurse babies, but it's hard to produce milk when you haven't eaten in days. I have been hungry. I have NEVER been starving. Two of my children have been, though. Once they were in such desparation that their birth moms made the difficult decision to give them up for adoption. Once, my daughter had orange hair.

If you saw my daughter today, you would never know that she was once in such dire circumstances. You know why? She has been given food, love and a family that cares for her well-being. You have the opportunity to make a difference in the life of a child (minus adoption costs :) ). Please consider sponsoring a child and make a long-term difference in his/her life. I am not promoting that it has to be with a certain organization. I have really liked what I have seen with Children's HopeChest and Compassion, though. If you cannot afford monthly supoport, would you consider donating 5, 10 or 15 dollars to Children's HopeChest to help feed a starving child like the girl in the photo? She is real. She is not just a picture. I met her. She really is starving. Click on the donate button on the sidebar if God is leading you to help the children of Uganda.

Being a Good Samaritan

2009-06-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

There are people DYING in Uganda right now. There are children who's bellies are hungry and aching. There are mamas who are too weak to stand and babies begging to be held. There are people trapping termites hoping for food and eating dung in helplessness. DO NOT CAVE TO DESPAIR. YOU CAN DO SOMETHING.

Remember Jesus story of the Good Samaritan? Remember how his very neighbors walked right by him? They probably looked at him with pity. . .probably thought "oh poor guy, that breaks my heart" but the fact is THEY DID NOTHING.

What will you do? These children are starving. . .

For $0.14, we can feed someone a meal of posho and beans. (posho is cornmeal, which is filling and beans are protein). Take that in for a moment. . .

$0.14 a meal

$2.86 for 20 days

$1 per FAMILY

$20 feed a family for 20 days.

Please join with me and Children's HopeChest and be a Good Samaritan to these people. Give them hope that someone in the world actually cares about them and show them the love of Jesus.

(CLICK HERE TO GIVE NOW) (note: please write FEED THE FORGOTTEN in the notes section)

My Liberian Baby and Me

2009-05-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

Uganda

2009-05-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

Many of you followed along on our adoption journey. If you didn't, you can read up on it by going to the blog my husband created during that time http://www.bastenadoption.blogspot.com/. When we traveled to get our son, we literally spent 8 hours in Liberia before we were on a plane headed back to America. As happy as I was that we had our son, I was also grieving the loss of my dream to spend time in Africa. This April God opened the door for me to travel to Uganda with a team from Children's HopeChest. I spent 2 weeks there. Once again, my life was transformed by what I saw and experienced. Here are a few pictures from my trip:

2009-05-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

My journey to a black and white world began 3 years ago on a mission's trip to Biloxi, MS. Besides the people on my team, I was the lone white face in a sea of black. I thought it would feel different or that I would be afraid. What I discovered was that I loved the people who were surrounding me. I loved their differences as well as their similarities. Both Dale and I returned from that trip changed. Two weeks later we were calling the agency we did foster care through and asked them to do a homestudy. It was our first physical step towards our journey of adoption.

Our trip to Biloxi and the first referral picture we received of our children together.

Joining the 21st Century

2009-05-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

After all of my time spent on a computer sending e-mails, I finally decided I would try my hand at something a little more challenging. Here you have the result of my brain expansion. This blog was created to keep friends up to date, to discuss adoption, brag on my kids and voice my love for orphans and Africa. It is my desire that through this blog, God will impress something on you that makes you want to draw closer to Him.

Next blog - I'll really get modern and learn how to post pictures!