Good Girl Gone Bad

For much of my life I was the "good girl". You know the mold - praiseworthy grades, obedient to parents, no drugs or alcohol, wouldn't go against the law if my life depended upon it.

When kids in school would call me "Miss Goody Two Shoes", I took it as a compliment instead of the insult it was intended to be. Perhaps, you could even say that I made it my ambition to be one of the best good girls that ever lived.

There was a big problem with my philosophy, though. I wasn't ever sure what 'perfection' was. I could only compare myself to others and elevate my goodness based upon others badness. For example, I gave myself brownie points for being able to say I have never been drunk in my entire life, I have never smoked a single cigarette, done drugs, been to jail or had a speeding ticket (other than the one I received a few years back when Dale called and said one of the kids was missing. I figured, tickets don't really count if it is for a good reason.)

I was good because I wasn't doing those 'bad' things others were. It was all relative to others' behavior.

Then, I met someone who changed everything. He was the perfect man. HE alone was the one I needed to be comparing myself with. Suddenly, this good girl wasn't so good anymore. You see, He was sinless. Perfect. I now understood what good was and I was not.

He said if I had ever done one single thing wrong, and yes, white lies count (so do mean looks and hateful thoughts against enemies), then I wasn't good enough - good enough to get into Heaven. Wasn't that my ultimate goal? I didn't want to be good just for the sake of being good. I was in it for the reward.

I looked in His face and asked, "How, then?" How, then, can I get into Heaven? How can I ever be good enough?

He gently answered, "You can never be good enough, but I can. Realize that you cannot earn your way to Heaven; it is my free gift. " At that moment, I fell on my face and accepted the gift I had been trying to earn. For the first time in my life, I felt peace.

I was a mere 18 years old when I met Jesus, my perfect man. He turned my world upside down, or should I say right side up. The baby in the manger suddenly made sense. He had to come and die for me or I would be left to have to pay for each and every one of my sins. The price for just 1 sin was too great. When I saw my life through His lens, I had thousands upon thousands of sins. My debt was too much.

Christmas became more than presents and good food. The baby born that day became my life, my hope and my savior. He paid my debt and for that I am eternally grateful. I had no means by which to get into Heaven, neither do you. Jesus does, though. Will you accept the gift He is offering you this Christmas?

Maybe, just maybe, you are also a good girl who is willing to see her need to be rescued from her bad side - a redeemed, loved, bought with Jesus' life kind of girl.

Landing

I stepped down and the wall of heat met me instantly. The hours spent on the plane suddenly faded when matched against my excitement. I was standing on Filipino soil. Months of preparation for this moment were paying off.

Our team stood in line for Customs. As I looked around, I saw a sea of beautiful mocha eyes. I think the 11 of us were the only variation to our surroundings.

It was after midnight local time, but sleep was not on my mind. Too many thoughts raced through my head. Visions of underfed children running to greet me, sharing my testimony (yikes!), being the sole parent of an accident prone teenager in a Third World were just a few of the things occupying my brain space. Finally, I succumbed to sleep. Besides, tomorrow we would board another plane for our last leg of the trip, Manila to Tagbalaran.

Praising God for uneventful flights, I stepped once again into another wall of heat. We were here! I looked around the airport and immediately recognized Pastor Ariel from his visit to the United States. Close by him was his ever-smiling wife, Fely. They led us outside to a large welcoming committee. Several members of the church stood holding up a banner with all of our pictures on it. Before I could utter a word, Fely was placing a necklace over my head - the first of many gifts I would receive.

We squeezed our American behinds into a couple of vehicles and were wisked off to attend a Birthday Party. The team piled into Effret's house, along with about 50 other people. She had gone all out and served 2 favored items in the Philippines - lechon (roasted pig) and blood pudding (yep, exactly what you think it is). I tried almost everything, but the heat was really taking away my appetite.

I'm not sure how many of you have seen Gulliver's Travels, but I certainly could relate to Gulliver. My 5'9" frame was about 9 inches taller than the average Filipino. At Effret's house, I had to stay away from the ceiling fans or they would have rearranged my face. The furniture was all sized to accomodate their smaller frames. At times I felt a little bit like Goliath's sister. Keep this in mind, because it is an important piece to the next few days of my trip. For now, I'll leave you with a few photos.

Stepping off the Edge

I had been here many times before. Signing up to go on a mission's trip was easy...following through was not. There was always that one big hurdle that I just couldn't seem to get beyond.

It is what everyone dreads; it is what made me run.

Raising support. A leap of faith, too big for my feeble feet to take. I backed out every single time when it came to this part - until now.

One Sunday I sat in church, listening to the Pastor make announcements. He mentioned an upcoming trip to the Philippines. Something stirred in my heart. I tried to dismiss it.

My husband looked at me and shocked me with his words. "Honey, I think you should go and take one of the kids with you."

Gulp! I will have to raise HOW much? Impossible! Doesn't my husband realize we are in the midst of an economical recession?

Hesitantly, I sat through the informational meeting. I put my name and my sons on the list of those who were going. In my heart, I wondered if I really was or not.

The support letters were composed. The moment I released them into the mailbox, I felt instantly nauseous. What would people think? I don't like to offend.

The next meeting for the trip came. The leader handed me a piece of paper. On it was the amount of support that had come in. My knees quaked. My first goal had been met. Someone from our church heard God say that He would be sending her a check. She received one a few days later in the mail and gave it ALL away to Caleb and I.

Humility.

The money kept pouring in. We were exactly where we needed to be for each goal...for a while.

We were half way and then the money stopped. The weeks were passing and soon we would have to make a decision - were we going or not?

I sat at my computer. Before I booted it up, I prayed,"Lord, make it crystal clear what Your will is in this. I surrender my plans for what You want. I have stepped out in faith. Maybe that was all You wanted for me - to take that step. Just, please let me know SOON!"

The computer screen came up. Facebook is my homepage. Immediately, a friend started chatting with me. She had remembered that I was hoping to go on a mission's trip and wanted my support letter. The tears trickled down my cheeks. "God, You are so good! You have put my trip on the minds of others."

Another meeting and I am informed that all but $60.00 has come in. God did it! He showed me that I can step off the edge of my comfort zone and He will guide me. God's wealth never changes - even in a recession!

From The Beginning

It started years ago...perhaps decades ago. I was the child who always had a heart for the unlovable. Maybe it was my ability to identify with them, maybe it was that God was stirring my heart before I even knew there was a Creator.

While in High School, I discovered the One who loves me so much He died for me. He died for unlovable me.

He owned all of the riches in the world. In fact, He was the one who created the world and all that inhabits it. And, He GAVE it ALL up. Imagine that! How many CEO's do you know who would give it all up to have no home, one set of clothes, no consistent food, no health insurance, no car and no friends? I know not one, but my Jesus did this for me and you.

So began my quest to know this Redeemer more. Who is this man who would do this for me? And why?

I poured over Scriptures and saw Grace. Sinful, pitiful me looked into the eyes of my Savior and found grace. I didn't deserve what He had done for me, and I couldn't earn it. What I could do was become like Him.

I could learn to love like Him. I could ask for compassion like Him. I could live like Him.

If I really wanted to identify, I needed to go where He went and do what He did.

"God", I cried out, "send me to the unlovable." And, He did. A few years ago, I left my comfort zone and found myself in Africa. No electricity, no running water, no bathrooms, no abundance of food and no hope - this was my reality for 2 weeks. It is everybodies reality who lives there.

I came home changed. I saw how the rest of the world lives and I could never again be comfortable in America. My Jesus had grabbed my heart and changed it to look a little more like His.

I came home and wanted the rest of my family to "see". Now my cry to God became, "Lord, let each of my children be able to go and experience a Third World before they leave my nest. Mold their little hearts to be like Yours. Give them a heart that beats for the 'Least of These'."

Thus began my journey to the Philippines with my son Caleb. One, one child has gone and seen and came back changed. He now understands. He now "sees".

Friends

There's nothing like a good set of friends!



Kickball

Contemplating his next move...

Olympic kicker!

A Birthday Sleepover

My baby girl is turning 11. We celebrated this weekend with a few of her friends. All I can say is God is good! These precious girls are a gift from the Lord.
Dale made his infamous "hot fudge squares" for all of us to enjoy. Princess EB wanted each girl to have a candle to blow out (instead of her having all 11). I'm happy to report that no candles were left burning. According to the girls, no boyfriends - whew, since she can't even THINK about dating until she's 16:)

Thank you, Jesus, for this long-awaited for daughter! She is tender, thoughtful, compassionate and a gracious giver. She melted my heart when she presented me with some of her Birthday money today and said, "Here is my tithe. Please give it to the orphan fund, Mom." She hasn't even had time to think about what she wants to get with her money for herself and she is already thinking of others. What more could a parent want?!

Mother's Day

My eldest daughter surprised me this morning with breakfast in bed. She made me a toaster streudel with "I Love U" written on it, an orange (already peeled) and bananas sliced up. My drink was ice water, but no ordinary ice water. The ice cubes had real purple flowers frozen into them!

I love my kiddos! Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms!

Of Princes and Princesses

 
Everyone has heard about the soon-to-be princess, Kate, betrothed to Prince William.

Not too far away, at least by plane, in the hot tropics of Africa lives another princess, Princess Katie. She was not royal by birth, just like Kate. No, she grew up in an ordinary family in ordinary Tennessee. During her high school years, she fell in love with a man. He just happened to be of royal descent.

This man rocked Katie's world. The more she grew to know him, the more madly in love she fell.

During her Senior year of school, Katie spent some time in Uganda working at an orphanage. Her heart was smitten by the beautiful children, so much so that she spent her summer there as well.

When Katie came back, she wasn't the same person anymore. Sometime during that year, she had given herself fully to the man of her dreams, her prince. She became a married woman who now was of royal blood.

Both Kate and Katie have similar stories, but their realities are quite different. You see, the man Katie married was Jesus - the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Her union to Him makes her royalty, but her life is nothing like what you would expect for such a high honor.

Her home is not a castle laden with servants. In her home, SHE is the servant. Fourteen girls call her mom. Many others in the community call her "Auntie Katie" as she bandages wounds, feeds the hungry, listens to broken hearts and always, she introduces these people to her "husband".

No, you won't find her story on the cover of USA Today. Jewels and earthly goods - she has none. What she does have is favor with God Almighty. One day He will crown her head with many crowns. One day He will welcome her to her home in Heaven and she will be gloriously adorned. One day, she will have riches that far surpass the fleeting ones of this earth.

I had the privilege of meeting Katie when I was in Africa. I feel more honored to have spent time with her than any celebrity you can think of. Go to her blog and see her love for Christ shine through with every word she writes

www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

You will be blessed by what she has to say.
"I will betroth you to Me forever..." Hos. 2:19
"For your Maker is your husband-the LORD Almighty is His name..." Is. 54:5

Of Princes and Princesses

Everyone has heard about the soon-to-be princess, Kate, betrothed to Prince William. Her marriage to William will change her status in an instant from ordinary to royalty.

Not too far away, at least by plane, in the hot tropics of Africa lives another princess, Princess Katie. She was not royal by birth, just like Kate. No, she grew up in an ordinary family in ordinary Tennessee. During her high school years, she fell in love with a man. He just happened to be of royal descent.

This man rocked Katie's world. The more she grew to know him, the more madly in love she fell.

During her Senior year of school, Katie spent some time in Uganda working at an orphanage. Her heart was smitten by the beautiful children, so much so that she spent her summer there as well.

When Katie came back, she wasn't the same person anymore. Sometime during that year, she had given herself fully to the man of her dreams, her prince. She became a married woman who now was of royal blood.

Both Kate and Katie have similar stories, but their realities are quite different. You see, the man Katie married was Jesus - the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Her union to Him makes her royalty, but her life is nothing like what you would expect for such a high honor.

Her home is not a castle laden with servants. In her home, SHE is the servant. Fourteen girls call her mom. Many others in the community call her "Auntie Katie" as she bandages wounds, feeds the hungry, listens to broken hearts and always, she introduces these people to her "husband".

No, you won't find her story on the cover of USA Today. Jewels and earthly goods - she has none. What she does have is favor with God Almighty. One day He will crown her head with many crowns. One day He will welcome her to her home in Heaven and she will be gloriously adorned. One day, she will have riches that far surpass the fleeting ones of this earth.

My Baby Turns 5!

Five candles for 5 years of life. Her Birthday just happens to be her "Gotcha Day" as well. We would need 3 candles to celebrate that.

Princess? You bet!

She used to be Daddy's Girl, but now she's all mine! Her smiles are infectious.

Life really is like a vapor. It goes by so fast. Five years ago we weren't even thinking about adopting, yet our baby girl was being birthed out in the African bush.

Lack of food and resources led a young mother to make a very difficult decision. One day she made the long walk to an orphanage and handed over her only child. She knew that the moment she turned her back and walked away it would be goodbye forever. The most she could hope for would be a family who had enough food, treated her baby well and would give her a good education.

But she would never really know.

Sometimes I want her to know that I love her little girl beyond comprehension. She has never missed a meal and she is so stinking smart.

I cannot claim that she is all mine, though my heart cries out that she is. Reality is that she looks just like her birth mom. They share a dimple high on their left cheeks.

The years have healed the physical effects of birthing a child. I wonder if the emotional scars have mended. On the other side of the world, is a beautiful Liberian woman remembering this day? Does she ever regret her decision?

Or, has she moved on - everything a dim shadow of a time long ago?

All I know is, my life has been forever changed for the better by opening my heart up to my African babes! Through them, God in His graciousness has shown me how much He can love me - HIS adopted daughter!

Happy Birthday, my precious baby girl!

My Mr. Lovewell

He pursued me relentlessly. I ran. There was no way I was going to open my heart up again. Pain has a way of making you protect yourself, setting up walls to keep you out of harms way.

He won. His persistance paid off. The walls around my heart crumbled, and I found safety where I expected none. In his arms I felt glimpses of a different kind of love; a love that endures.

Eventually, I shoveled away the debris left from my self-made fortress. Bare soul, I walked down the aisle. His eyes said it all. The love he was offering me was true to his character. It was unrelenting, persistant and enduring; it had not changed over the years.

The graying of my hair, an indication of time passing. The mirror confirms that life has indeed not stood still. Over 20 years have slipped by since he noticed me. I have not regretted letting him have access to my heart. Through the valleys of life, he has lovingly cradled my scarred heart; he has also taken me to mountain tops unimaginable. I am so thankful that I let him in!

The above description tells the story of 2 men in my life. Just a little over 20 years ago, the first man I gave my heart to was Jesus. He had been pursuing me for a long time. For an equally long time, I had been trying to find meaning to life. All of my efforts had resulted in pain and loss.

In rode my Prince, not on a stallion but rather on a humble donkey. He did not offer me riches or all the world has to offer. No, He offered me an enduring, persistent love - one that doesn't give up. He gave me what no one else would give...His life.

The second man is the one you see in the photos. He is my husband, my soulmate, my best friend. Through the years he has done an amazing job of reflecting God's love. People are more important to him than all of the riches of this earth. He really is someone who "loves well". I'm blessed that he is my Mr. Lovewell!

Worthless

I was reading in Jeremiah today during my time with the Lord. As is typical, I will have read something many times before only to have it fall afresh on me. Today was no different.

The passage is directed to the nation of Israel, but that doesn't mean it is not applicable to us today.

Let these words sink in, "What wrong did your fathers find in me(God) that they went far from me, and went after worthlessness, and became worthless?" Jer.2:5 parenthesis mine

What am I chasing after that is worthless? What are you chasing after? Is it fame? Money? Acceptance? A life of ease? What do I spend my time on that really is of no value to me or God?

Did you catch the last part of the verse? If we chase after worthlessness then we become worthless! This is a strong statement. I do not want to become worthless to God's Kingdom. I want to finish the race of life running into the arms of Jesus. As He holds my expired body in His embrace of grace, I want to hear "Well done good and faithful servant!" There will be no sweeter words that my ears could hear.

I want to look into my Savior's eyes and see His pleasure; a statement void of words yet saying so much. I want to know that I sought after His heart and the things dear to Him. I want to know I didn't chase after worthlessness.

Looking through a different lens

She was our fourth child...a pleasant addition to our family. With her arrival our family became even - 2 boys and 2 girls. Forever and always she has been our happiest child. Joy emminates around her.

Then, reality hit. She wasn't speaking and she was almost 3 years old. Several tests and doctors tried to figure her out. In the end, it was a diagnosis of a learning disability coupled with a language deficit barrier.

Life has been a struggle for her. Everything comes hard and she has to work 3 times harder than the average child. She is starting to realize that her brain doesn't always work like her peers. There is pain for me. What will a few more years bring to her realization?

Sometimes I want to change her and make it so she doesn't struggle. And then, God in His infinite wisdom gives me His eyes for just a moment. In that second, I wouldn't change her for the world!

We had just finished Church, and I went to gather all of the children together. I'm looking around, and see groups of people enjoying fellowship. As we are all guilty of it at one point or another, we gravitate towards those people we like - the ones that are easy to get along with. I scan through the people to see the most beautiful sight ever. My precious daughter had noticed all of the "unlovables"; the people who are in wheelchairs, the ones who drool and cannot care for themselves, the ones with broken bones and the ones who are lonely. One by one she ran up to each person and gave a hug and said, "You are so wonderful!"

She showed me life through a different lens. In fact, I saw my daughter exhibit more wisdom than people 10 times her age. She has been gifted with the ability to love beyond the exterior and to make each person feel valuable.

Lord, let me see people the way my baby girl sees them!